What I ate on 9/23/10

OMG I had such a craving yesterday for baked goods. I spent all day obsessing about walking over to the Italian bakery and ordering something delicious to take home. I finally walked over there in the late afternoon and got the strawberry shortcake (not particularly good but definately filling). It really satisfied my craving for the sugar and the carbs!

I weighed myself yesterday: 137.2 I've been jogging at least 45 minutes a day for the past week so of course I'm starving all the time. *sigh*

What I ate on 9/22/10

I had some leftover Mei Fun for lunch. That lasted about an hour in my stomach before I was hungry again. Went to my favorite Chinese tex-mex place on Seventh Avenue for dinner. Had the chicken combination plate. I ate all the healthy things first (salad/chicken) and then only about 75% of the beans and rice. I'm a good girl! :) I did eat the fresh tortillas they made. Those are so rubbery good!

I got hungry again around 8:30 and Steve K went out for pizza and brought me back a slice. Well, he said he bought himself too much pizza. He's an odd guy but a sweetheart! He said he'd write grad school recommendations for me. :)

What I ate on 9/21/10

This is not half of what I ate yesterday. I went out to dinner with a bunch of friends and had tons and tons of delicious Chinese food. I know I've taken pictures in restaurants in the past, but I would have had to take a picture of a lot of things and it's just not worth it. So, just assume I ate a lot of Chinese food and about two slices of chocolate cake for dessert and it was AWESOME!! :)

What I ate on 9/20/10

There should be a mug of ice cream in addition to this; I totally flaked on taking a picture. Ooops! I love subway and their low-fat sandwiches and prominent caloric content (although I did get the cheese I held back the mayo).

What I ate on 9/19/10

I ate some crap: a linzer tart and a mug of Breyer's ice cream. I had the linzer tart for breakfast.
I started listening to a Geneen Roth book When Food is Food and Love is Love. I found it online at the enypl. It's okay so far.

What I ate on 9/18/10

Ate a lot of peanut butter on rice crackers with diet preserves. It's one of the few things that satiates me. I like it. I eat one before I go for my run at the track and I feel a billion times better than I used to (mentally). I used to just ruminate over current and past wrongs. Now I think about happy, joyous, and free thoughts!

At around seven o'clock, I needed to get out of the house. I had a huge carb craving so walked to the bakery and got the enormous slice of carrot cake. Not half bad for $2. I love my Italian Bakery!

What I ate on 9/13/10

Back to the dieting. Back to the photographs. Just got back from a fun-filled several days of vacation and eating restaurant meals three times a day maybe more. I need a big fast. I'll step on the scale later after my shower.

What I ate on 8/2/10

I think I could finish this today: I've done it for four weeks. 4 sets of 7 days.

Although I worry if I go off the constant vigilance. What constant vigilance? Well, I know I can do it. I suppose if I stop, the couple pounds will come back. Still 134.2 which is nice. I went to City Island yesterday and had half a shrimp basket and an ice-cream cone with a friend. I seem to go out more and socialize than I thought!

Anyway, it was a learning experience. Yeah, maybe I'll quit today--even  though it wasn't that big a deal!

What I ate on 8/1/10

I had a real craving for cake yesterday that I could not shake. Lucky for me, I found it at a grocery store in upper Manhattan for 99 cents. It was perfect: I can't say that God never does anything for me.

Yesterday, I weighed myself: 134.2. I think the "diet" is working. Nice to know that I can buckle down and lose some weight if need be. I hope I don't yo-yo diet for the rest of my life. I'll probably carry these lessons with me: a belly full of food and a head full of diet tips. Try to eat healthy but enjoy life too. No, I didn't need the grocery-store cake; that's a problem. 

What I ate on 7/31/10

Roommate and I were watching Top Chef yesterday and I was eating in front of the television set. I ate more than I should have. I didn't need the scoop of chocolate peanut butter along with the plain yogurt with honey.

So it goes!

I weighed 135.6 yesterday and only ran for 20 minutes because my headphones gave out--and hard--at the track. At least it wasn't my ipod.

What I ate on 7/30/10

I cannot believe I've been doing this for almost a month! I don't think I've lost any weight (136.4), but it's interesting to see all the healthy choices I've made so far. I've only had one slice of pizza in three weeks? I was offered a donut last night and of course I took the opportunity.

I ate out twice yesterday; I really wanted a regular/old dish for lunch so had the steak and guacamole combination plate at the Chinese tex-mex place. The guacamole was terrible so I ate little of it; but I concentrated on the most-nutritious parts of the meal: the steak, the beans and the salad. I left the guacamole and a lot of the rice. Rice is a waste of time. It feels good to be healthy!

Last night, before my volunteer commitment, I got a deli sandwich. Lo-fat tuna salad on 7-grain bread with no dressing. Of course they had pastry samples and of course I had to have a couple! I'm not a saint. :)

What I ate on 7/29/10

I allowed myself one treat yesterday: I was meeting a date in the East Village and decided to have a Moishe's Hammantachen beforehand. Haven't had one of those in ages. That was my dinner and it was delicious!

The Burrito Supreme was a chicken fresco: 340 calories and very filling.

What I ate on 7/28/10

Not much to report today. I weighed 135.4 or something yesterday. Wish I'd kept a better record of what my weight was when I started. That brown stuff is chocolate peanut butter that I have in cupboard. Supposedly it's sweetened with cane sugar and not HFCS.

What I ate on 7/27/10

I went somewhere last night where I ate two slices of apple turnover and wasn't able to take a picture of either. So I went online and found approximations of what I ate.

I ate a lot of brown and white food yesterday: actually, the orange and the egg and the peanuts are non processed. The only processed foods are the yogurt and lunch meats and bread.

I weighed myself yesterday: 135.5 or something similar. I can't remember the exact number. My scale is digital and it only works in the bathroom--so I have to carry it in there every day before my shower.

I'll doubt I'll have lost a pound after my month-long experiment of taking pictures of food. I refuse to go hungry. The point is to stuff my maw with healthy foods instead of unhealthy!

I read a blind item yesterday that points to Gwyneth Paltrow being a big bulimic. I refuse to go there. Refuse. Life is too short.

So it goes.

What I ate on 7/26/10

A lot of handfuls of peanuts and nuts. I guess that's become my new thing to snack on while I'm waiting for food to come out of the microwave or something. Ironically, it would be better if I ate Hershey's Kisses like I used to: they're less caloric.

What I ate on 7/25/10

I was hungry yesterday and ate a lot of meat: turkey dogs and actual hamburgers with ketchup. I then had "dessert" of peanut butter and honey on rice cakes. Yes, I think the trick is to have protein in the morning: like peanut butter. Yesterday, I had oatmeal with just milk. Typically I have it with peanut butter stirred in but I'm trying to eat "healthier!" Ha! :)

What I ate on 7/24/10

Same old same old. Had a weight watchers lasagna lunch. They were on sale and it was pretty filling. I went to a weight watchers site and realized I'm allowed only about 18 or 19 points. Man! Not that I have any interest in giving them one thin dime of mine.

What I ate on 7/23/10

Two days at 137. No I haven't dropped a pound in three weeks! I guess one really does have to eat less and not just better if one wants to lose weight. I have a new, healthy respect for the Angelina Jolies and the Gwenyth Paltrows of the world. I don't know how one starves oneself without going absolutely mad!

Last night, F and I walked to a Mexican restaurant in East Harlem and I had the enchiladas. It was the cheapest thing on the menu. I guess I could have ordered something healthier. She just ordered the rice and beans. Oy!

I did have a cappuccino that I didn't take a picture of. And I told her that our diets were verboten; no food talk!

What I ate on 7/22/10

I eat a lot of carbs. I went to interg last night and a lot of food was "foisted" on me: the orange candy slice, the small bit of Indian food and the chocolate chip cookie. All my food is "brown" or yellow. Three sandwiches and three bananas. Man, bananas are like eating cookies! I gotta green up my eating today.

I was back up to 137 yesterday; the bloat goes up and the bloat goes down.

what I ate on 7/21/10

I'm wearing this "diet" like a lose garment. I have no boundaries and no no-nos. I ate a lot of carbs yesterday; roommate made scones and I had one. Then, I was starved so had a regular (old-style) lunch of two beef and bean frozen burritos: my food pellets.

I went to a meeting and they had cookies and candy and I can't believe I didn't have any; mainly because I couldn't whip out a camera and start taking pictures so just eschewed it. It was just chips ahoy and nonsense like that.

Afterward, I went out with some people and got the cheapest thing on the menu: a Boca Burger with sweet potato fries. It was something I would have ordered anyway. Maybe I didn't need to eat the whole thing. I sat next to a thin Asian chick who picked at her food.

I wish I could pick at my food.

Loneliness

"Women have more feelings of empathy for other people than men do (though women and men have about the same degree of empathy for animals, whatever that means). In fact, for both men and women—and this finding struck me as highly significant—the most reliable predictor of not being lonely is the amount of contact with women. Time spent with men doesn't make a difference." —Gretchen Rubin

What I ate on 7/20/10

Yesterday was a not-so-great day. I ate the small cup of ice cream and then decided to just polish off the quart and be done with it. Stop obsessing over it. So I just sat in the living room and enjoyed it. Then, I was still hungry so had a lunch-meat sandwich and a peanut butter honey rice cake and glass of milk for dessert. That seemed to finally sate me. I was able to enjoy my evening of reading.

Roommate made scones last night after I went to bed and there are three in the kitchen now. Scones aren't a big problem for me (chocolate chip cookies would be or muffins). I'll definately have one!

What I ate on 7/19/10

So far, I don't think I've lost a pound. I'm down to 135 again but at this point it's all just water weight or loss--which is frustrating. I ran yesterday for the first time in days: only 27 minutes. It was hot and I wasn't that into it and my play list wasn't very good.

I have an interview with a temp agency today for possible placement at an ad agency. I don't have high hopes. These things never work out. But it's important to leave the house and be in the world. I really have to make leaving the house a priority.

You can't always get what you want: but if you try sometimes you just might find you can get what you need.

That doesn't mean much here but it's what's on the stereo now.

I really like taking pictures of everything I eat and using my photoshop first thing in the morning. :)

What I ate on 7/18/10

My friend F and I walked to City Island--all the way to the end for Johnny's Reef. I got us a basket of shrimp and fries to share (although I could have easily polished off my own basket) and then afterward we walked up to the ice-cream parlor for stingy scoops of ice cream. She got it in a cup to avoid the cone calories (good thinking although I do love me a cone!)

What I ate on 7/17/10

I'm getting really lazy with the diet, but not so much. Most things I'm eating are non-processed. The bread is diet bread at 40 calories a slice. The soup and chicken dish I made myself (with some processed food stuffs). And the ice cream is processed food. But carrots and apples and peanuts oh my!

I'm not hating on myself so much anymore. Yesterday, I was back down to an all right 135 something.

My friend F is coming to visit me today and we're going to walk to City Island for sea food at Johnny's Reef. Yay!

What I ate on 7/16/10

Eating terrible again. I'm eating whole-egg sandwiches in the morning mainly for staying power. For some reason, I'm always hungry at work. Probably because the AC is always up really high and I get bored and want to snack. But that's not it, too. After lunch I'm not hungry: not if I've had a full lunch.

I haven't run in days--mainly because of working and also because of this terrible heat wave. It's a real drag running around in the heat and sun. Also, that weight-loss diaries book just got to me. What's the point? What's the point?!

Two-egg breakfast sandwich
Bag of peanuts
Carrots
Minestrone soup (Homemade)
Cup of non-fat plain yogurt (with honey)
Lunch-meat sandwich on diet bread (no fat)
Mug of butter pecan ice cream (I obsess over it until I have some!)

What I ate on 7/15/10

I'm up to 137.5 and I haven't run for a couple days. I ate a lot of carbs yesterday. I went on a trek for a healthy sandwich at lunch and bought three bananas from a street vendor along with a packet of cashews. I didn't know bananas had 100 calories apiece!

Also, for dinner, had a Chicken Burrito supreme Fresco from Taco Bell. I think they're going to be my new junk food place of choice. That and the ?Subway sandwiches!

What I ate on 7/14/10

I ate poorly yesterday. I made a pot of Minestrone soup and I kept having small bowls of it without taking pictures. So add about two or three bowls of soup to this. I didn't even realize what I was doing until it was done.

Then, in the late afternoon, I was craving sweets, so polished off the rest of the ice cream and was still hungry. So I just ate peanut butter on rice cakes until I was full. Problem solved.

I had a slice of pizza for dinner.  Other than the luncheon meat sandwich, I'm seeing a lot of carbs. *sigh*

Minestrone Soup

I'm making minestrone soup with kidney beans. I put the beans on to soak yesterday and they've been soaking ever since. I know it's terrible. I cooked them for an hour and now I'm going to cook them for another 45 minutes with the minestrone soup. I need to throw some of the freezer vegetables in there with them. Minestrone soup is so great cuz you can throw all sorts of shit in there and it works and is delicious. I just hope I season it right.

Just can get my butt in gear this morning. Didn't have the AC on last night so didn't sleep fantastic. Not poorly but not great either.

I'm up to 136.5 today. And I didn't run. It began to pour around dawn and off and on all morning. Now that I know that exercise has shit-all to do with weight loss, why kill myself? I'm feeling a little down; haven't heard from photography studio. I sent them a friendly thank-you email yesterday. I can't help but think I would have heard something back by now if they were interested. *sigh* Oh well. I didn't think I had much of a shot anyway. I'm full of anxiety over work.

Last night, I was reading The Day of the Locust by Nathanael West and I ended up throwing it in the recycle bin. I hated it! I don't know why it's a classic: maybe it's the ending but I didn't get to it. Nightmarish. I hate reads where everyone's a grifter or someone who is about to be taken by a grifter. I hate characters I can't relate to and I didn't relate to any of them. I can't believe that people were just completely different in 1939. Can't believe it. I hate worlds that are just full of misery and no joy. That's what it was like in that book Looking for Mr. Goodbar. That was a miserable book.

I need a world with a little happiness. I need a world with a little joy and stability. After I finish this, I'm going to do a little marketing and then I'll try to do a little maths. I only did a half hour last night and I spent the whole time on one problem. I really had no idea what the hell they were talking about in the Graphs chapter so I started from the beginning. I had to do the same thing with the functions chapter. I didn't know what they were talking about. Beat it! Beat it!

What I ate on 7/13/10

I had some hunger yesterday. I ate a lot of "real" food yesterday. I'm trying to kill the tofurkey Italian sausages roommate left before she went to Singapore. They're pretty good fried up with some pam and covered in a quarter cup of spaghetti sauce. It's spaghetti without the spaghetti! Maybe now I understand Spanish food. I'm putting a dollop of honey into the nonfat plain yogurt to make it palatable. I understand that goes against all reason, but it makes sense to me!

I'm also trying to get rid of those caffeine-free regular Pepsis I bought many weeks ago. I hate that I keep doing that! I have a couple left to go. They're so delicious but so unnecessary!

Wordle

I went to wordle and created this from my blog:

I'm a crappy typist!

Just got a phone call from old suitor. God, what a pain in the ass he is. I have no interest in him but he won't take a hint. Note to self: never be nice to any one ever. He thinks he owns me because he sent me a text to the other day to some work he thinks. I didn't respond so he called me. I didn't recognize the number so picked up. Big mistake. I thanked him and then got off the phone as quickly as I possibly could.

I decided not to run so much today. I've been listening to the Weight Loss Diaries by Courtney Rubin and she's running marathons and she's 180 and not losing a pound. When I started running, I didn't lose a pound. I'm running now and I'm not losing a pound. Exercise means nothing without the calorie restriction to make it work. And there's just so far I'm willing to go. I'm not willing to go to any length to look like Gwyneth Paltrow or Angelina Jolie. I'm not willing to be in starvation mode. Maybe if someone was paying me millions of dollars to be in movies, but they're not.

Still downloading. Had my peanut butter toast and now want some more. I've got some beans soaking on the stove. I don't have much to do today besides work on this image. I'm sure it'll go fine. They like my work. I do good work! It's rainy out: I'm looking out on the afternoon rain. It used to be so uninspired. I'm actually in a good mood today and I don't know what's different. I had a pseudo job interview yesterday with a photography studio. I need to send them an email today telling them thank them again for meeting with me. I guess they're meeting several people. He seemed very uncomfortable. I had a little meeting mouth but I don't care that much. He's an "artist" so must have some angst too. It's not like I was meeting with the Board of Goldman Sachs (God forbid).

I left there and went up to a Synagogue up on 85th and Lexington. It was a full meeting with a round robin. No qualification: just sharing. I liked that. I even kicked off the sharing cuz I was in such a good mood. I can't believe how long it's taken me to discover upper East Side meetings. I mean, they're a straight shot down the 6 line! I barely have to stumble off the train. I'm not into 79th street work shop because that's a little bit of a haul. These are right on or near Lexington. I have no excuse!

So, yeah, I'm going to make a big pot of soup today. I have the soup starter and everything. I'll all all the odds and ends I have lying around the apartment. I have all the frozen vegetables from the freezer from the Key Food salads. I'll add the beans for hardiness.

So now it's finished downloading. I'll work on the image. I'll put on the comedy stuff because that's what I like to listen to. I'll do it on random and I'll laugh and listen to comedy mp3s. Today, I downloaded some mp3 merge software and merged a Michael Connolly book, the Lincoln Lawyer. Boy, I would have made a lousy secretary during Mad Men times. I'm a crappy typist!

What I ate on 7/12/10

I don't eve know why I'm still doing this. I don't hate myself as much as I did a week ago when I'd gotten home from a whole weekend of eating shit and wearing a bathing suit. I guess I said I'd try this for a month and I'll try it. It's really best if I start to eat healthy or try to on my own.

Third night in a row for ice cream. I have it and have to get rid of it! A small mug a night won't kill me. Eating a lot of small handfulls of peanuts while I wait for something to cook.

Had the naked tofu burger. Health food stores are awesome. They've got those pre-packaged sandwiches which are great little meals.

I finished listening to the Weight-loss diaries by Courtney Rubin yesterday. She ran 18-mile marathons while 180 or something. I can barely jog 45 minutes. I guess my running really has nothing to do with it. Even if I were to quit running, I'd probably stay the same weight. She ran marathons and was 190 or something. I guess running does not equal thin. But she said she was binging all the time: she didn't go into her binging and how much she ate, though.

Yes, weight-loss is a bitch. Yesterday, I stepped on the scale: 135. All right I guess. The day before it had been 136.

What I ate on 7/11/10

A lot of peanut butter. I've gotten into the bad habit of eating ice cream again. Yesterday was one of the first times I forgot about food for awhile. I was having the awful time with the chicken bake (that wasn't baking) and I got that computer virus. I'd had the huge salad with the 50 calories of light dressing (which was enough).

I don't know how many calories I consumed. I'm listening to the Weight-Loss diaries and am really enjoying them. It's rare that I want to keep reading a book.

What I ate on 7/10/10

Last night was the first time I didn't act exemplary on my "diet." I was so hungry that I decided to eat a normal-sized meal for me (two frozen beef and bean burritos) and have a small cup of ice cream afterward. It was nice to be full enough not think about food for a little while.

I don't really know where I'm going with this eating different. I'm in a healthy BMI so I can't say I'm unhealthy. I just want to look like I used to look when I weighed 128. That's all! I was 128 less than a year ago and want to go back to that. And I'm going to see if I can do it.

I started listening to a book last night, The Weight-Loss Diaries by Courtney Rubin. It's interesting. I can see her madness and I want to avoid that in myself. I don't want to go crazy starving and binging.

I don't like celery

Yesterday, I cut up a big bowl of celery and tried to eat it at my desk. The plant fiber got too much at a couple points and I had to spit it out into my trash can. Finally, I just gave up. I never liked celery that much, and now I know that I really don't like it. It's gross. A little in a soup is okay, but as a meal it's gross.

Kinda cranky this morning. Not on the phone with my mother thank god. I've got the air conditioning on in my room. I should fire up the maths, but it's on functions right now and I don't know if I ever learned functions! At first, I had no idea what they were talking about in the Algebra book, but then I got the gist of it. It's like a formula. If x is this, then y is that. I know I have it wrong, but it makes sense to me that way. I have to start from the beginning again. And I'm kind of hungry even though I just polished off two tiny pieces of peanut butter toast with no jelly. There's the evil bit. I'm sure some day it's the bread that will be the evil bit. It's the evil bit now depending on who you ask.

I just should get used to not eating anything but diet coke and apples. And that makes me feel guilty because they're not that great either. All those fruits have the sugar. The evil sugar. Basically, I'm supposed to eat steak and salad. That's it! Just steak and salad. Maybe some beans. I like beans.

Boy, this dieting sure gets my mind of a lot of other crap. My career? Who gives a damn? I'm hungry! My dating? Who gives a crap? I'm starving! I'm doing it for these fools and they want nothing to do with me anyway.

I'll try this for a month and see where it gets me. 30 days. I can surely diet for 30 days. It won't kill me. I suppose diet soda is my friend, but I hate to wash the contents of my stomach out before they've had their turn. Then, I'm just hungry. I've learned that.

I have to do some work today. First, I'll do some maths and get it over with. Might as well do it now when I have some food in my stomach. I thought it was supposed to rain today, but I keep waiting. I rushed out to the track to run around but perhaps the big rain cloud over Jersey took a turn for the north. That's fine: it's looking dark out there.

Was talking to mom and dad this morning. Last night, I got to thinking of the old Italian restaurant that dad used to take me and Jill to in Chicago: the Italian Village. It was like a Mediterranean scene on the inside. I thought they did a good job when I was a kid. Always a balmy, Mediterranean night at the Italian Village. I always wanted a table in one of the "houses" but that never happened. My dream never came true!! I suppose that was a good childhood memory.

What I ate on 7/9/10

I ate more because the hunger really started to kick in. Finally all the crap I ate over Fourth of July weekend was no longer making itself known.
Weight: 135.2
Running: 45 minutes

Running in a Sauna

Yesterday afternoon, the cable went out. When I got back from the library, the cable guys were up on a cherry picker in front of the house working on the wires.

I asked them if they were the reason my cable was out and they said it should be back up in about an hour. Well, it wasn't so I just turned off the computer.

Anyway, the computer didn't get switched on until this morning. Client had lit up my inbox with a bunch of stuff--including an image that was top priority. We talked on the phone and I went out for my run. It was hot hot hot at the track. There had been a big downpour. Instead of cooling off, though, it just made it like a sauna out there. I was running around in a sauna.

When I was walking home from the library yesterday, I called mom but she wasn't home. I ended up talking to Dad for 16 minutes! And it wasn't even my birthday or his birthday or Father's Day!

Anyway, I told him I was running and he told me he'd run at my age. He also said to run (not jog) the last lap to really do some good. So I did. Today, I ran the last lap instead of just old-lady jogging like I typically do. We'll see what happens tomorrow and how I feel.

I worked on this big board of directors photograph for client. I did a good job. I sent the image off to him and he called me to tell me I was fantastic. :) That's the kind of feedback I like. I did do a good job. I switched faces and removed stands and covered AstroTurf with real grass. :)

I'm going to head out of here around five. Last night, I was pretty hungry even though I'd had a salad, etc. beforehand. I never eat enough now. I'm always hungry. The first couple days were a gift. Now I'm hungry because of the exercising. I'm no longer running on reserves. My stomach is never full. I suppose I should have a real meal instead of just grazing. I had one burrito instead of two.

Anyway, I stopped at the Subway and had a grilled chicken sandwich they said had about 300 calories or some such nonsense. I had it with cheese (more calories) but without condiments like mayo. It was pretty good. I liked that I payed with my credit card. I just need to get some rolls and some lunch meat slices. Those are pretty good.

I'm hungry right now. In situations like this, I should just eat peanut butter sandwiches until the hunger subsides. I just had one but maybe I'll have another. I need to get rid of that iced cream in the freezer. Maybe I'll have a half-cup a night until it's gone. That's the serving size. Now I understand why it's a no no. There's really no nutritional value. It's best just to avoid desserts altogether instead of trying to control them.

What I ate on 7/8/10

I was pretty hungry last night so had the sandwich at Subway. It was pretty good. And under 400 calories ish.

Dieting

I'm dieting. I'm taking pictures of everything I eat and therefore I try to eat as little as possible. I'm only on day three and I'm doing surprisingly okay. I've had just a quarter cup of black beans today and it's past 1:00. No, I'll try not to bore you with diet updates.

I went to Long Island this past weekend and it was a wake up call on a couple fronts. I wasn't invited to A's party and I've felt like a d-lister ever since. A big, fat, social zero. And then I looked at a picture taken of me and I'm thick. There's no ifs ands or buts about it. I'm definately thick. I'm built like my Grandmother which isn't a terrible thing: she's tall and pretty well-built. I look like my Grandfather and I'm built like my Grandmother.

I immediately threw away the enormous chocolate bar roommate had given to me. The next day, I took a picture of everything I ate before I ate it. No sugar or processed foods (or few of them). I think I started the day with an Ensure. Today is the first day I actually ran because we've been having a heat wave. It was 100!! in the city on Tuesday. Today, it's down to 90--a blessed relief! I was able to run. It was pretty humid out and it began to rain so I was soaked a bit when I got back to the house.

Anyway, when I look back on all the crap I eat. Especially this weekend. There wasn't a piece of cake or pie or cookie that I didn't enjoy. Boy do I love my carbs! And I feel it. I have to start watching what I eat. I'm 37!

I hope I don't become one of those annoying people who talk about their diets all the time. I'm going to try not to do the calorie counting thing. That's what the photographs are for.

I've done a couple chores for today; I've run at the track and I've made some black beans. I have to go to the library and pick up some laundry at the AA laundry--the sister store to the WW. They're located across from the grocery store. At first, I was annoyed that it was no longer on the way to the train, but now I can see the upside. It's across the street from the grocery store so I'll be more apt to go there after dropping off the laundry. I hate going to the grocery store and I don't know why. It's not like it's super out of the way, but it's really kind of out of the way. It's not close to either station.

I have to do some math today, although I worry about doing it hungry. I should probably eat a decent meal and then tuck into the math. I get discouraged and distracted if I'm hungry. Although I'm doing okay right now. I was depressed yesterday, but I wonder if that's just cuz my body isn't having any sugar.

I'm trying to get down to 130--even though I no longer have a scale. I threw away the one I had around here. I think ex boyfriend stepped on it and it was never the same. Never the same.

What I ate on 7/7/10

I'm amazed at how "little" I can eat to get along. I thought I ate tons and tons but this little amount of food got me by. The apples are huge; they're about a pound each. I found them at the Union Square farmer's market. They were tasteless but filling.

What I ate on July 6, 2010

This is what I ate on July 6, 2010. In no particular order.

Envy and Competitiveness

Envy and competitiveness are the ugliest of emotions; I'd rather be jealous or angry or bitter than envious and competitive. The first three can be justified and there's a happiness in the justification; but the latter two are just misery and despair. There's no happiness there.

Sunscreen and Sloe-Gin Fizz

It's much warmer today than it's been this year. I'm wearing my Loyal Army t-shirt my sister gave me and my jeans skirt. I was sweating when I got out of the lukewarm shower! My face was red from the track. I was running around in the hot sun and I was okay. It was before nine a.m.. I got up early this morning. It's easy to get up early if it's sunny and bright out. In fact, I kind of tossed and turned most of the night. I wasn't kept awake, but I kept waking up for some reason.

I've done an hour of work today; I contacted at least 20 photographers so I'm happy with the day's work. It took me about an hour. I've been brushing up on my resume and sending it about to Craig's list and I got one phone call yesterday. Note to self: don't send resumes to jobs you don't really want because they'll call you. Just like you shouldn't flirt with guys you're not that crazy about: they're the only ones who'll ask for your phone number. Such is life.

So yeah: it's hot when I run. My face gets red. I put on tons of sunscreen but I'm probably destroying myself anyway. I went to CVS within the last week and got the family-sized bottle of suncreen. It's huge and the screen is pretty greasy. That'll teach me to go cheap. But if I go with the pricey stuff, I probably don't use as much as I should. See? I'm starting to learn more and more about myself as the years progress. Know Thyself!!

I'm listening to Gone with the Wind which is such a fabulous book. Man, can that woman write! Right now, Scarlett has just returned to Tara where there's nothing to eat and everyone's miserable. Everyone's looking to her; she's emerging as the new South. How exciting. I'm also listening to Jane Eyre and Mr. Rochester is being a dick and teasing her. Well, he's kind of a big dick. He's married and wants to commit bigamy. Jane is right to run away as she does. I'm surprised Mrs. Fairfax doesn't know about what Grace Poole is hiding. I need to read Charlotte Bronte's biography by Elizabeth Gaskell. Problem is I've tried reading it before: it's a little rough starting. Slow to start. C'mon! C'mon! Get to the good stuff.

So I worked on my resume and I've started sending it out. No one wants me. I'm not going to let it bother me. I always job hunt in miserable weather. If I job hunt this summer, I have a summer-type suit. I have that white blazer mom bought me at the Banana Republic outlet in Portland.

"Well Portland Oregon and Sloe-gin fizz: if that ain't love then tell me what is! Uh huh! Uh huh! I lost my heart and I lost my mind in Oregon!"

I'm so proud of myself. I bought my tablet and plugged it in and set it up and started to use it. I played a little Freecell yesterday and tooled around with it. Then, my monitor didn't work and I had to go into the city. Man, that wasn't good. I was cranky and late getting to the train even though I was well on time for my dental appointment. I didn't wear enough clothing and was cold all day walking around in the rain.

I got a good check up from Dr. M. He has a new receptionist and a new dental assistant.  I liked the receptionist: she was very nice. Dr. M came in and gave me the stamp of approval. The whole visit with my new Dental Save program came to $60. Not bad. I'll have to do the math to see if I actually save any money but I probably do.

I walked out the front door and across the street to the Bus and took it to Delancey street. It was a long bus ride full of Asian pre-teens. I'm so glad I'm not on anyone's radar anymore. I walked over to Eldridge where there's a dumpling shop. Four dumplings and 3 pork buns for $2. That's about what I paid 10 years ago at the little shop on Allen Street. Although back then it was five dumplings for a dollar and 4 pork buns for a dollar. I ate more than I should have but they were so hot and delicious.

There was a crazy guy screaming in there. After I left, I kept looking for a cop to do some shooing action but there was not a cop to be found.

I walked down to my new hair salon but the chick told me I'd have to wait half an hour. Phooey. I turned the corner and walked over to Forsyth where there was a shop with no one doing anything but watching Chinese soap operas. I got my bangs cut for $5 and tipped three. Then, I walked over to the bakery on Grand Street where I used to always get cookies. They've completely renovated the place since I left in 2004--which is fine. It could be an entirely new/different bakery. I got a chocolate chip cookie for 80 cents and looked at the huge hole across the street. About a month ago, there was a big fire on Grand street and it was across the street from the bakery. I can't even remember what was there now.

Today, I walked over to my doctors to get my ears flushed and to take a thyroid test. I didn't eat or drink any coffee. He was only able to flush one ear; the other ear, the right ear, still has some hard wax that wants to stay put. I don't want to go back but may have to at some point. I've been using that peroxide crap that tickles like mad after awhile. First it sizzles, and then it's excruciating and impossible to "scratch."

Michael Jackson

I no longer run with my Jets hat. Maybe I should get a white hat. Maybe I get overheated with the cap on because it's dark. I'll keep on the look out for a white, cotton hat that can go in the wash. I remember the white Michael Jackson cap I had in the fifth grade when I was in love with him. Anita C* and I used to write him love letters. Years (years!) later I got a response from him/them and I was no longer in love with him or a fan. It was a  really long time later. Too funny.

Toni Morrison

Everyone's so angry. I thought yesterday about being a liberal and boiling it down. Meg Whitman, the CEO of eBay or some such nonsense, is running for Governor of California. As a republican but she's pro-choice. I gotta say, I'd vote for a female republican if s/he were pro-choice. I'd vote for any republican who was pro choice. And then I realized that was my one, big issue: right to privacy/reproductive freedom. Of course, there are some other issues that I care about. I care about the environment and recycling and endangered animals and resources. I care about peace and not going to war over everything. I do believe that the war in Afghanistan is justified but the one in Iraq is not. We gotta get Osama Bin Laden but the rest of those bitches can rot in the cots they made for themselves.

I don't know what the party line is on decriminalizing drugs but I'm not for that. I don't care that much about vegetarianism and animal rights, but I do think it's important not to torture any living being. I care about those things, but I ain't waving a sign for them.

I'm feeling listless. I did my run today. I did 45 minutes in the hot sun but there was a cool breeze so it wasn't so bad. Afterward, I sat in the shade while listening to Gone With the Wind. What a great book. If all books could be that engaging and rewarding, what a happy woman I would be. Problem is, most aren't. I must pay more attention to popular books.

E* and I were talking in the living room today. She showed me all her books signed by Toni Morrison. I like Toni Morrison, but I don't really like her. I might re-read the Bluest Eye or Sula (in fact, I think I've read Sula more than once) but I can leave Beloved and Song of Solomon on the shelf. I've tried more than once to get into the former and I barely finished the latter in college. So it goes. Different strokes for different folks, eh? I saw her in the Starbucks on Spring street many years ago. I also have the photograph of her painting hanging in the National Portrait Gallery.

Summer Storm

My computer tab system stopped working earlier and it's driving me to distraction. I kind of rely on it to act the way it's always acted.

It's full-on raining outside. Good thing I kept putting off going to the library to return those books. I guess I did a little math yesterday; that made me feel loads better. Wow, look at this summer storm. I love it! It'll get hot and sticky later. Like a hurricane outside though. And the wind is blowing blowing. I've opened my door so it can scurry about the apartment.

It's clearing up outside. It's still pretty Grey but the rain has stopped. The wind is still blowing. I love it. I think I'm going to put on my rubber-souled shoes and head out. Put my library books in a water-proof bag.

Shitty Art

I do appreciate art on a whole new level after my MET membership. I can see how things fit together now. Why one painting is a reaction to another kind of painting. And there's so much shitty art out there you have to appreciate the good stuff. I guess that's what the MET is for. I've said it before, anytime I leave the MET everything looks like crap. I pass a poster and framing shop and everything in the window looks like a Thomas Kinkade painting. What makes good art? I don't know. It's like pornography: I know it when I see it.

Is it great art if no one pays attention to it. When I go to the MOMA, there are really boring pieces that don't even register with people. Should those be culled from the museum? Probably. Why should we look at some broom leaning against a wall? I guess I sound like an asshole, but that piece's time has come and gone.

What Fresh Hell is This?

What fresh hell is this? I'm not necessarily tired, but I definately
got some sun today. My hands are hot. I was running around in the hot
sun this morning (I'd put sunscreen on my face) and was walking around
in the sun this early afternoon.

I was a little early, so I walked in the hot sun to the Chatham Square library branch where I scanned the classics and ended up reading Breakfast at Tiffany's until Laura called to tell me she was there. She
and I lost each other while trying to find each other on Canal, but
ended up walking all the way through Chinatown and Little Italy and up
the Bowery to Milon. All the waiters recognized her; evidently she
used to go there once every two weeks or so. Yeah, they'd get to know
her.

We ate like princes. So much good food!  Laura and I had the front table with the garden-like view. We sat and talked
there for a long time before waddling over to Avenue A to get
depressed at how much it had changed. Actually, most of the things we
remembered were still there. Some had changed but a lot had stayed the
same.

I stopped going to Avenue A once I got caught up in Comedy. I think
the Boston Comedy club is gone because when we were in the West
Village it looked like it was something else. But it's difficult to
look at something new and say, "such and such was there before." Even
though I may have looked at the old building a zillion times, as soon
as a new building is put in, I can't remember the former. So it goes.

We went to Simone's on First Avenue and 8th Street/Saint Marks's
Place. Randy was having trouble with the other car so Laura had to cut
her visit short. I felt bad for her but she didn't complain much at
all. Good for her. I remarked on how positive she was being/is. I
really do wish I could be more like her.

We walked down St. Mark's past Astor Place to I dunno the North of
Washington Square Park. It's all torn up--the North East corner.
Everything's always being torn up. I'm so used to it by now. Anything
you want to go see it's being worked on in some way, shape, or form.