The only people happy in this world are the unibombers living alone.

I'm trying to cut back on my eating. Yesterday and today I only had one piece of peanut butter toast. Yesterday, I went to the Broadway Cafe on Fifth for lunch. I went to the cold buffet and spent about $5.50 on all sorts of delicious things. And I forced myself to sit there and eat slowly and carefully and put down my plastic ware between bites. I spent 27 minutes (by my ipod) eating that amount of food. And I was full! I got full because I didn't bolt it down. In fact, I left a boiled egg for last and only ate the white parts. I suppose that's the most fatty and evil part.

For dinner, I got a slice of pizza and ate that slowly and surely. That got cold and greasy and unappetizing pretty quickly, but I finished it because I knew that was that. And it was filling too. I'm going to keep trying this small portions and slow eating. Maybe I can lose a little of the 8 pounds I've put on this year. Of course, that 8 pounds is the only thing that's keeping me from finding true love! It's not my terrible personality or my flat chest!

Ran today. It was warm and sunny at the track. Sometimes it gets too warm and I have to be careful. I get overheated and my bowels go into retreat. That happened to me last year and I ended up starting to run at night.

My back's killing me. I had one of those patented back cramps that lasts for days. It happened while I was at the KeyFood the other day. I was carrying home two heavy bags of groceries. But that's probably a coincidence. It just happens; it doesn't matter when. I remember when it once happened in quick succession, I got one and then another one the next day. That was the worst! Two nights ago, I couldn't sleep that well because every time I moved or tried to roll over, I'd have shooting pain in my body that would wake me up. Last night was a little better, but not much.

Yesterday, I had a realization that I need to get a real job. It just struck me. I need to get one of those fucking tablet things that everyone swears by. I'm sure once I use one for awhile, I'll swear by it too. Fucking cult of tablet!

I wasn't angry this morning when I was running around at the track. I noticed that. Typically, I'm pissy about something. Today, I was having very neutral thoughts. I can tell it's good if I'm thinking about celebrities or literature or movies or things like that. Things that don't matter at all. I wonder if it's because I didn't have ANYTHING to eat this morning. Typically, I have a cup of coffee and a couple Hershey's kisses. But I hadn't had anything since six o'clock the evening before.

I feel like I'm wasting time. I'm not doing the things I'm supposed to be doing: I'm not buying or renovating a house, I don't have a real job, I don't have a husband or children or even a dog or a plant. Am I part of the solution or am I part of the problem? I guess everyone has thoughts like these--but different. If they have a house, they wonder if they wasted their money. If they have a spouse, they compare and despair with other spouses. If they have children they compare and despair also. Everyone has his or her secret hell that s/he's not willing to admit to in any forum. You move up a level and it's just more problems.

I'm such an asshole sometimes. The only people happy in this world are the uni-bombers living alone.