I'm in ur ATM--Holdingk teh doar fo spare chang
Evidently some clown took his horse drinking one night and passed out in the ATM.
Waiting for the train to carry you home
I get on the train at the first stop in the Bronx. That means there's only one train (the six) and it's only going one way: South. What's odd to me is people sitting in the waiting room. They've paid their fare to get into the waiting area, but they don't seem to be hustling it for the train that's right upstairs.
I always wonder about the people who hang out at subway stops. The other day, I snapped this pic of two guys standing on the platform of the six train downtown. There's only one train but they let it pass.
Perhaps they're tourists. I'll give 'em that. I've been a train dumbass on a number of occasions.
Cleveland Clinic
I dunno Laurel: maybe you wouldn't have had that annurism if you weren't such a controlling bitch.
Your baby
I found this on Post Secret. While I don't have an annoying bride in my life right now, I just left a job with an annoying expectant mother. She was in the cubicle right next to mine. All day long, people would drop by and ask her the same questions and she'd answer them ad nauseum in excruciating detail. It wouldn't have been so bad once or twice, but all day long. Eventually, I'd just get up and go talk to my friend in Accounting.
Postcards are the wave of the future
Brilliant marketing. People send postcards all the time now, especially since it's so cheap. And when I decide to spend a little money on a stamp, I want to make sure there's no room for me to write. I hate writing about myself!
Idiots
Let's have an unguarded ladder against a building on a busy street in midtown where speeding cars might want to pull over really quickly and plow into it!!
I married a Fireman
I've had three conversations with you. In two of those, you've managed to mention, "I married a fireman."
You won the lottery sister. You should brag and brag.
Ask and ye shall receive
Bakers love to bake. I've asked co-workers, family members, and roommates to bake for me and they have. All you gotta do is ask! (but be very respectful)
Catfight In the Bushes
I'm lucky enough to have a small plot of land with a lot of un-tamed greenery outside my window.
Since before dawn, two cats have fought intermittently in the bushes having screaming cat fights every half an hour or so.
Krakah! There's more bushes in the Bronx! That's not the only one.
New Pet Peeve
I have a new pet peeve and it's an odd one. I don't like it when people bitch and moan about jury duty. I think it makes the person look like a tool.
It's your civic duty. Just do it and shut up.
My old dog
When I see this on the pavement, I think of my old dog, Butch, and how much he would have loved to have eaten these french fries.
Oh Butch: I hope you're keeping those trains in heaven in line.
idiot social retards/sneakers
______________________________________________________________________
Washing ones own sweaters
I washed my sweater and now it smells like wet, mildewed wool. Yuck.I smell like a church rummage sale.
Eating Breakfast
I understand picking up a bagel or muffin at the deli. That doesn't bother me. But eating a big bowl of cereal at your desk annoys me.
To Keep the Family Name
People excited that you gave birth to a boy in order to keep the family name are tools.
Kicking Myself With My New Shoes
So Sketchers let me down this season; they typically make this great unisex shoe that is perfect for my lifestyle. I've been wearing this shoe for years. No dice for 2007. So I could go cheaper (no) or go more expensive. I went with John Fluevogs (ouch). Bought them online assuming I'd get them from a distributor in Oklahoma.
Today, I got a phone call from the Prince Street store. A very friendly woman named Karen asked me if I just wanted to come down to the store and pick them up. I thought about it, and said no, I'd rather she ship them.
I get the bill. $12 for shipping uptown. I WOULD HAVE PICKED THEM UP FOR TWELVE DOLLARS!!! I suppose it's dumb of me not to think of it, but she could have said something....you know? I would have.
Hometown Hotties Competition
This was mistakenly delivered to our office instead of where it was supposed to go. I can't tell you how much I wanted to open it.
Mona Lisa Britney Spears
Alas, I weep for her. She's no Sinead O'connor. Very few women can pull off the shaved bald thing: she's not one of them.
I've always had a theory that a woman who toys with her hair too much is very unhappy. I believe that's what's going on here.
Oh Britney. Kevin DID tame you.
Sperm Donor Father Ends His Anonymity
Ick. What if your whole life you thought your dad was like Kevin Costner or Bill Crosby and he ends up being this creep. I'd have that look on my face too.
Microsoft Clippy
Just like I don't understand the appeal of Tori Amos, I don't understand the animosity towards Clippy. What has he ever done to anger everyone so? He's just a little friendly thing. You can get rid of him. He turns into a little motor scooter and rides away.
And Barney. Why the animosity against Barney? He's such a nice, jolly fellow.
Cute Dog
I worked at a client's last week; her dog slept sweetly at my feet.
And he lit some really fierce farts.
A Beauty and a Big Bertha
This is the way TIME wrote about overweight women in the sixties:
"The Mamas and the Papas are two beards, a beauty and a Big Bertha.
After knocking around the fringes of folk music separately for a few lean years, they joined forces in 1965 and made their first single, California Dreamin'. It went straight to the top of the bestseller charts, as did their next release, Monday, Monday. Papa John Phillips, 25, an Annapolis dropout, is the group's songsmith, and what his lyrics lack in depth his melodies make up in lilting appeal. Phillips' wife Michelle, a willowy ex-model, is the spiraling soprano; Denny Doherty, 24, sings a secure tenor.
Anchor girl is rotund (200 lbs.) Cass Elliot, 23, whose ringing contralto gives the quartet its oomph; Together they build a buoyant vocal blend that floats easily through intricate harmonic shifts, toying with rhythms that are as fresh and bracing as ocean breezes. The quartet is now on a highly successful college tour, stands to make $1,000,000 this year."
-- Time Magazine, Friday, Oct. 28, 1966
Oily Stools
The problem with oily stools? I keep falling off!!
Over-the-Counter Weight-Loss Drug Is Approved
By STEPHANIE SAUL
The Food and Drug Administration yesterday approved the first officially sanctioned weight-loss drug to be sold without a prescription.
Experts expect the drug, Alli, to be available to consumers in the summer.
Although the medication has been available by prescription since 1999, some experts predict that it will be more widely used as an over-the-counter product. It will be the lone government-approved alternative to unproven over-the-counter remedies.
People in the United States spend about $1 billion a year on herbal formulas and other supplements that advertise fast weight loss but have no proven effectiveness and can be dangerous.
An official of the food agency, Dr. Curtis J. Rosebraugh, called the approval important in light of the array of unproven products on the market.
“It’s rather significant that there will now be available an over-the-counter product that we do have data on, that we know is efficacious and what the safety profile is,” Dr. Rosebraugh said.
An obesity specialist in Washington, Dr. Arthur Frank, said Alli had a safe track record and could help patients lose 5 percent to 10 percent of their weight.
On the negative side, Alli can cause side effects like diarrhea and oily stools.
How to conquer a sweet tooth
1) Gorge yourself on stale pastries your roommate brings home from her cafe job.
2) Wake up the next morning with stomach flu.
Poor Bastard
This poor bastard had to take a jarring ride from Pelham Bay to Buhre Avenue before it was intelligent enought to fly away. The doors closed before it could finish picking through the blunt on the newspaper. I hope it found its friends quickly.
Global Warming
Why did God create and then kill off the dinosaurs to make petroleum if he didn't want us to burn it up? It doesn't make any sense.
Panel Sees Centuries of Warming Due to Humans
By ELISABETH ROSENTHAL and ANDREW C. REVKIN
PARIS, Feb. 2 —The world is already committed to centuries of warming, shifting weather patterns and rising seas from the atmospheric buildup of gases that trap heat, but the warming can be substantially blunted by prompt action, an international network of climate experts said today.
The report released here represented the fourth assessment since 1990 by the group, the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change of the United Nations, of the causes and consequences of climate change. But for the first time the group asserted with near certainty — more than 90 percent confidence — that carbon dioxide and other heat-trapping greenhouse gases were the main drivers of warming since 1950.
In its last report, in 2001, the panel, consisting of hundreds of scientists and reviewers, put the confidence level at between 66 and 90 percent. Both reports are online at www.ipcc.ch.
More! More! More!!
January 26, 2007Scientist Develops Caffeinated Doughnuts
DURHAM. N.C. (AP) -- That cup of coffee just not getting it done anymore? How about a Buzz Donut or a Buzzed Bagel? That's what Doctor Robert Bohannon, a Durham, North Carolina, molecular scientist, has come up with. Bohannon says he's developed a way to add caffeine to baked goods, without the bitter taste of caffeine. Each piece of pastry is the equivalent of about two cups of coffee.
While the product is not on the market yet, Bohannon has approached some heavyweight companies, including Krispy Kreme, Dunkin' Donuts and Starbucks about carrying it.
Late For Class
Had another one of those fun dreams last night where I was late for class and hadn't studied for a biology exam. I had to beg the teacher (Renée Zellweger?!!) to give me a second chance but it was a no go.
So I just stood there and verbally abused her.
Learn How To Juggle 3 Balls from Jason Garfield
| Learn how to juggle! Jason Garfield is one of the best professional jugglers in the world. And, he always has the best technical form when it comes to advanced ball competition (5 - 7 balls). | |
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