People excited that you gave birth to a boy in order to keep the family name are tools.
To Keep the Family Name
People excited that you gave birth to a boy in order to keep the family name are tools.
Kicking Myself With My New Shoes
So Sketchers let me down this season; they typically make this great unisex shoe that is perfect for my lifestyle. I've been wearing this shoe for years. No dice for 2007. So I could go cheaper (no) or go more expensive. I went with John Fluevogs (ouch). Bought them online assuming I'd get them from a distributor in Oklahoma.
Today, I got a phone call from the Prince Street store. A very friendly woman named Karen asked me if I just wanted to come down to the store and pick them up. I thought about it, and said no, I'd rather she ship them.
I get the bill. $12 for shipping uptown. I WOULD HAVE PICKED THEM UP FOR TWELVE DOLLARS!!! I suppose it's dumb of me not to think of it, but she could have said something....you know? I would have.
Hometown Hotties Competition
This was mistakenly delivered to our office instead of where it was supposed to go. I can't tell you how much I wanted to open it.
Mona Lisa Britney Spears
Alas, I weep for her. She's no Sinead O'connor. Very few women can pull off the shaved bald thing: she's not one of them.
I've always had a theory that a woman who toys with her hair too much is very unhappy. I believe that's what's going on here.
Oh Britney. Kevin DID tame you.
Sperm Donor Father Ends His Anonymity
Ick. What if your whole life you thought your dad was like Kevin Costner or Bill Crosby and he ends up being this creep. I'd have that look on my face too.
Microsoft Clippy
Just like I don't understand the appeal of Tori Amos, I don't understand the animosity towards Clippy. What has he ever done to anger everyone so? He's just a little friendly thing. You can get rid of him. He turns into a little motor scooter and rides away.
And Barney. Why the animosity against Barney? He's such a nice, jolly fellow.
Cute Dog
I worked at a client's last week; her dog slept sweetly at my feet.
And he lit some really fierce farts.
A Beauty and a Big Bertha
This is the way TIME wrote about overweight women in the sixties:
"The Mamas and the Papas are two beards, a beauty and a Big Bertha.
After knocking around the fringes of folk music separately for a few lean years, they joined forces in 1965 and made their first single, California Dreamin'. It went straight to the top of the bestseller charts, as did their next release, Monday, Monday. Papa John Phillips, 25, an Annapolis dropout, is the group's songsmith, and what his lyrics lack in depth his melodies make up in lilting appeal. Phillips' wife Michelle, a willowy ex-model, is the spiraling soprano; Denny Doherty, 24, sings a secure tenor.
Anchor girl is rotund (200 lbs.) Cass Elliot, 23, whose ringing contralto gives the quartet its oomph; Together they build a buoyant vocal blend that floats easily through intricate harmonic shifts, toying with rhythms that are as fresh and bracing as ocean breezes. The quartet is now on a highly successful college tour, stands to make $1,000,000 this year."
-- Time Magazine, Friday, Oct. 28, 1966
Oily Stools
The problem with oily stools? I keep falling off!!
Over-the-Counter Weight-Loss Drug Is Approved
By STEPHANIE SAUL
The Food and Drug Administration yesterday approved the first officially sanctioned weight-loss drug to be sold without a prescription.
Experts expect the drug, Alli, to be available to consumers in the summer.
Although the medication has been available by prescription since 1999, some experts predict that it will be more widely used as an over-the-counter product. It will be the lone government-approved alternative to unproven over-the-counter remedies.
People in the United States spend about $1 billion a year on herbal formulas and other supplements that advertise fast weight loss but have no proven effectiveness and can be dangerous.
An official of the food agency, Dr. Curtis J. Rosebraugh, called the approval important in light of the array of unproven products on the market.
“It’s rather significant that there will now be available an over-the-counter product that we do have data on, that we know is efficacious and what the safety profile is,” Dr. Rosebraugh said.
An obesity specialist in Washington, Dr. Arthur Frank, said Alli had a safe track record and could help patients lose 5 percent to 10 percent of their weight.
On the negative side, Alli can cause side effects like diarrhea and oily stools.
How to conquer a sweet tooth
1) Gorge yourself on stale pastries your roommate brings home from her cafe job.
2) Wake up the next morning with stomach flu.
Poor Bastard
This poor bastard had to take a jarring ride from Pelham Bay to Buhre Avenue before it was intelligent enought to fly away. The doors closed before it could finish picking through the blunt on the newspaper. I hope it found its friends quickly.
Global Warming
Why did God create and then kill off the dinosaurs to make petroleum if he didn't want us to burn it up? It doesn't make any sense.
Panel Sees Centuries of Warming Due to Humans
By ELISABETH ROSENTHAL and ANDREW C. REVKIN
PARIS, Feb. 2 —The world is already committed to centuries of warming, shifting weather patterns and rising seas from the atmospheric buildup of gases that trap heat, but the warming can be substantially blunted by prompt action, an international network of climate experts said today.
The report released here represented the fourth assessment since 1990 by the group, the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change of the United Nations, of the causes and consequences of climate change. But for the first time the group asserted with near certainty — more than 90 percent confidence — that carbon dioxide and other heat-trapping greenhouse gases were the main drivers of warming since 1950.
In its last report, in 2001, the panel, consisting of hundreds of scientists and reviewers, put the confidence level at between 66 and 90 percent. Both reports are online at www.ipcc.ch.
More! More! More!!
January 26, 2007Scientist Develops Caffeinated Doughnuts
DURHAM. N.C. (AP) -- That cup of coffee just not getting it done anymore? How about a Buzz Donut or a Buzzed Bagel? That's what Doctor Robert Bohannon, a Durham, North Carolina, molecular scientist, has come up with. Bohannon says he's developed a way to add caffeine to baked goods, without the bitter taste of caffeine. Each piece of pastry is the equivalent of about two cups of coffee.
While the product is not on the market yet, Bohannon has approached some heavyweight companies, including Krispy Kreme, Dunkin' Donuts and Starbucks about carrying it.
Late For Class
Had another one of those fun dreams last night where I was late for class and hadn't studied for a biology exam. I had to beg the teacher (Renée Zellweger?!!) to give me a second chance but it was a no go.
So I just stood there and verbally abused her.
Learn How To Juggle 3 Balls from Jason Garfield
| Learn how to juggle! Jason Garfield is one of the best professional jugglers in the world. And, he always has the best technical form when it comes to advanced ball competition (5 - 7 balls). | |
Thank God for Government Intervention
White Tiger (Kenny) Turpentine Creek Wildlife Refuge Eureka Springs, Ark.: In the United States, all living white tigers are the result of selective inbreeding to artificially create the genetic conditions that lead to white fur, ice-blue eyes and a pink nose. Kenny was born in the care of a breeder in Bentonville, Ark., on Feb. 3, 1999. As a result of inbreeding, Kenny is mentally retarded.It's times like this I'm glad for government intervention. These are the people we should parade down the streets in shame.
China Shames Prostitutes and Pimps
Why doesn't China shame the real assholes? Like computer hackers and people who scam old people out of their money?
No, they go after women who have been told they're crap since before they were born. (I don't mind the Pimps though; I've always thought they were the lowest of the low).
No, they go after women who have been told they're crap since before they were born. (I don't mind the Pimps though; I've always thought they were the lowest of the low).
December 13, 2006
As Vice Dragnet Recalls Bad Old Days, Chinese Cry Out
By HOWARD W. FRENCH
SHANGHAI, Dec. 12 — For people who saw the event on television earlier this month, the scene was like a chilling blast from a past that is 30 years distant: social outcasts and supposed criminals — in this case 100 or so prostitutes and a few pimps — paraded in front of a jeering crowd, their names revealed, and then driven away to jail without trial.
The act of public shaming was intended as the first step in a two-month campaign by the authorities in the southern city of Shenzhen to crack down on prostitution.
But the event has prompted an angry nationwide backlash, with many people making common cause with the prostitutes over the violation of their human rights and expressing outrage in one online forum after another.
So-called rectification campaigns, or struggle sessions, like these were everyday occurrences during the Cultural Revolution, which officially ended in 1976.
In that benighted era, popular justice was meted out and so-called class enemies were publicly beaten, forced to make confessions and sent to work camps for reeducation.
That this event took place in Shenzhen, the birthplace of China’s economic reforms and one of its richest and most open cities, seems to have added to its shock value.
“Even people who commit crimes deserve dignity,” one person wrote on the popular Internet forum 163.com. “Must we go back to the era of the Cultural Revolution?”
Another asked, “Isn’t this a brutal violation of human rights?” Likening the parading to an act out of the Middle Ages, he added, “Shenzhen’s image has been deeply shamed.”
The All China Women’s Federation has reportedly sent a letter expressing its concerns to the Public Security Ministry in Beijing, but later denied having done so. At least one lawyer has stepped forward to defend the prostitutes, citing legal reforms in 1988 that banned acts of public chastisement.
Cleaning out the Address Book
I went through my Yahoo! address book today: the one I've had since the mid 90s. A couple people have died. Young people. That sucks.
Do I get rid of them or not?
Saddest News I've Read All Day
I hate to put on my feminazi-women's-studies-minor-hat here, but there's still so much violence against women in this world. Does it matter if they were upstanding members of the community or crack-addicted prostitutes? All were innocent victims of some crazy asshole.What can be done?
4 WomenÂ’s Bodies Found Near Atlantic City
By JENNIFER 8. LEE
The bodies of four women lying face down in several inches of water were discovered yesterday afternoon in a ditch near Atlantic City, the Atlantic County prosecutorÂ’s office said.
The bodies were found several feet apart behind a strip of motels on the 8000 block of Black Horse Pike in Egg Harbor Township. None of the women were identified last night, and the police did not give a cause of death.
Loser Whiff
Once you've got "loser whiff" there's no going back. Mark Fuhrman saved you a seat right next to him.November 19, 2006
Sen. Kerry Still Considering 2008 White House Bid
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Massachusetts Democratic Sen. John Kerry said on Sunday he is still considering a second run for the White House in 2008, despite public criticism of what he has has called a ``botched joke'' about the Iraq war.
No Grunting, They Said, and He Was at the Gym
God, I hate asshole douchebag "toolboxes" like this. I know he's the kind of guy who masturbates in front of the mirror and thinks he deserves anal after a middling dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. Fucker.
November 18, 2006
No Grunting, They Said, and He Was at the Gym
By ANAHAD O’CONNOR
WAPPINGERS FALLS, N.Y., Nov. 13 — Albert Argibay, a bodybuilder and a state correction officer, was at a Planet Fitness gym with 500 pounds of weight on his shoulders one afternoon this month when the club manager walked over and told him it was time to leave. Mr. Argibay, the manager explained, had violated one of the club’s most sacred and strictly enforced rules: He was grunting.
“I said to her, ‘I’m not grunting, I’m breathing heavy,’ ” recalled Mr. Argibay, 40, an energetic man with the hulking appearance of a pro linebacker. “I guess she didn’t like the fact that I challenged her, because she said to me, ‘Meet me up front; I’m canceling your membership.’ ”
He continued lifting, but soon was surrounded by town police officers, who told him to drop the weight slowly and pack his bag, then escorted him from the gym. Now Mr. Argibay is considering suing the club, claiming the notoriety the incident earned him in this cozy 5,000-person town 75 miles north of Manhattan is tantamount to defamation. Mr. Argibay said he has endured ridicule from colleagues who call him and make grunting noises, and he fears that inmates will lose respect for him.
Grunting, rude as it may be, has been commonplace in gyms for as long as weights have been lifted. At most health clubs, grunts elicit little more than annoyed looks or sighs of irritation. But at Planet Fitness, a national chain with 120 locations, it is a matter not only of etiquette, but also of club policy: one too many offending noises can get a membership revoked in the time it takes to do a sit-up. Nationwide, the chain expels roughly two members a month for various reasons, most commonly grunting and dropping weights.
Stretching
I just did one of my patened squealing with delight while stretching moves at my desk; it woke my roommate who came running in to ask if I was okay.Ooops.
Big Nerds
In the early 1990s, I went to a top echelon engineering school in Silicon Valley--San Jose State. I like to call San Jose State University the home of the poor and smart and the rich and stupid. Guess which category I fit into.Most of the kids in the dorms were okay, but there were a few weirdos. One guy came to the dining commons wearing a members only jacket (not mid-eighties mind you) zipped to the top and covered his tray in small glasses filled with soda. He'd then proceed to drink them all one by one with a psychotic Jack Nicholson smile on his face. Another young man wore a walkman all the time and breathed through his mouth. One day, someone asked him what he was listening to. It was video game music.
I am now that big of a nerd. One of my favorite composers is Mark Mothersbaugh. My favorite video game is The Sims. I would buy this CD.
I love this ad
I know that the copyranter has an almost monopoly on the advertising comments, but I love this ad for Mrs. T's Pierogies.
The Photoshop work is top notch; I have no idea what was staged and what was photoshopped. The shadows are excellent. The strap on the potato is a little weak, but I can forgive as the apron on the pasta shell is to perfection.
The best part? Unbeknownst to the fetching package on the couch, the potato paints it unclothed. I love it!
Using sex to sell the New York Times
October 15, 2006
Cyberface: New Technology That Captures the Soul
By SHARON WAXMAN
SANTA MONICA, Calif.
THERE’S nothing particularly remarkable about the near-empty offices of Image Metrics in downtown Santa Monica, loft-style cubicles with a dartboard at the end of the hallway. A few polite British executives tiptoe about, quietly demonstrating the company’s new technology.
What’s up on-screen in the conference room, however, immediately focuses the mind. In one corner of the monitor, an actress is projecting a series of emotions — ecstasy, confusion, relief, boredom, sadness — while in the center of the screen, a computer-drawn woman is mirroring those same emotions.
It’s not just that the virtual woman looks happy when the actress looks happy or relieved when the actress looks relieved. It’s that the virtual woman actually seems to have adopted the actress’s personality, resembling her in ways that go beyond pursed lips or knitted brow. The avatar seems to possess something more subtle, more ineffable, something that seems to go beneath the skin. And it’s more than a little bit creepy.
“I like to call it soul transference,” said Andy Wood, the chairman of Image Metrics, who is not shy about proclaiming his company’s potential. “The model has the actress’s soul. It shows through.”
Waiting for the Cable Guy
*Waiting for the Cable guy...my lord! Waiting for the Cable guy...my lord!
Waiting for the Cable guy...Waiting for the Cable guy...Waiting for the Cable guy...my lord!
Be here from two to five...my lord!
Be here from two to five...my lord!
Be here from two to five...Be here from two to five...Be here from two to five...my lord!
It's four fifty two...my lord!
It's four fifty two...my lord!
It's four fifty two...It's four fifty two...It's four fifty two...It's four fifty two...my lord!
Don't wanna go to the bathroom...my lord!
Don't wanna go to the bathroom...my lord!
Don't wanna go to the bathroom...Don't wanna go to the bathroom...Don't wanna go to the bathroom...my lord!
Someone's getting a letter...my lord!
Someone's getting a letter...my lord!
Someone's getting a letter...Someone's getting a letter...Someone's getting a letter...my lord!
*To be sung to the tune of Mary Had a Baby.
Culture Minister
We need a Culture minister; if only to protect us from Jay-Z. Oh wait, it's Tipper Gore. NEVER MIND!!
October 11, 2006
China Cancels Jay - Z's Shanghai Concert
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
Filed at 8:15 a.m. ET
SHANGHAI, China (AP) -- China's Culture Ministry has nixed a concert this month by rap artist Jay-Z at Shanghai's Hongkou Stadium, citing a need to protect local hip-hop fans from nasty lyrics, a report said Wednesday.
''Some of Jay-Z's songs contain too much vulgar language,'' the state-run Shanghai Daily newspaper quoted Sun Yun, of promoter KS Production Co., as saying to explain the ministry's reason for refusing permission for the Oct. 23 concert.
The concert would have been the Chinese debut for the rap icon, whose real name is Shawn Carter.
The New York rapper's use of profanity and songs about drug dealers, pimps and violence apparently offended the culture czars, who have recently allowed other groups with sexually suggestive songs, such as The Rolling Stones and the Black Eyed Peas, to perform in Shanghai.
The cancellation could not be immediately confirmed, but a notice posted Wednesday on an online ticket booking Web site, Tickets365, said the concert had been postponed.
The notice in red gave no reason, but said concertgoers would be contacted as soon as a new date was set.
A call to a representative for the rapper early Wednesday went unanswered, as did calls to the news office of China's Culture Ministry. The number for KS Production was not available.
Hostage
You become a hostage the moment you need to make a different choice and you don't.
--George Kohlrieser, Psychologist
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